Firsts

When thinking about the return to college, I imagined many scenes of campus life. I imagined studying in the library. I imagined walking from classroom to classroom. I imagined participating in the campus wide events in the afternoons and in the evenings.

The one thing I did not imagine, possibly because I cannot remember it, is the anxiety one feels just before a test or just before handing in a paper.

Today, I handed in my first paper. I worked over it for about 4 hours altogether, and I felt as if I had captured the essence of the professor's requirements. That sensation vanished as papers were handed forward, and I saw that other students papers looked a lot heavier in verbiage than mine, and a lot lighter in quoted text than mine.

Tomorrow, I have my first math test. I have done all of the homework, I have reviewed my notes, and I have done all of the homework again. Right now, I am trying to memorize theorems using flash cards. The anxiety is palpable....this is as bad as preparing a presentation for a boss.

So, this is really the beginning. All before has been the easy stuff, the looks, the tentative friendships with classmates, the awkward exchanges with professors. Now the first challenge: Have I been working hard enough and smart enough, and can I handle the pressure.

Update to follow.